Life Down On The Farm

The way I feel right now I think I would have more energy if I were dead.

Have you ever noticed how some women take their wedding ring off when they do things? They take it off to wash their hands or do the dishes. They take it off to work outside or clean the house. Some women only wear the ring when they are going somewhere. It is all about caring for the diamond or precious stone in the ring. I don't look at it that way. I have worn my ring every single day for the last 22 years, I only take it off when I go to bed at night. I used to even wear it to bed, but I apparently have a habit of throwing my arm across Dan at night and he didn't appreciate being scratched by my ring.

To me my ring is a symbol of our marriage...probably what most women say, but I mean it differently. My ring is just like our marriage, it has been in hot water, it has been in deep s**t, it has been shiny and new and it has been not quite perfect in shape. My marriage has been the same things...every day I slip on the ring I remember the day I first had it slipped on my finger. I remember the day we went to Spencer and picked it out, I remember the day I had to have it cut off and sized bigger. This ring symbolizes the ups and downs of a day to day marriage.

Someday I hope to live long enough to pass my ring onto a grandchild. It isn't worth much monetarily but the memories are priceless. I hope to have a day where I look at my child's children, and think that it is time to pass the ring on to them. There is nothing as precious as passing family treasures down the generations and I hope to be able to do that. I will have something for each grandchild special from me, or Dan, and I hope they cherish it as much as I cherish the things I have from my grandmother. Doesn't have to be expensive, in the case of my wedding ring it doesn't even have to be shiny and new, it just has to have meaning. I want to share the joys of my marriage, and life, with my grandchildren.

Concerning my previous post about people not getting the memo...apparently the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...no wonder the kid acts that way, the parent is just as bad! Good thing I am not letting it bother me...I know who is right in this particular situation...not always right, but they are this time. War is never the answer...

I have only one resolution for the new year...the same one I have every year and manage to keep. No resolutions! There are things I would like to accomplish in the new year, but why set myself up and then fail...such a disappointment. If I succeed then I might think that next year I can set higher goals...and then be even more disappointed if I don't reach them. So I will just continue to plug away at my life and if something happens that I worked for then great, if not, then there is always another chance another time. Ahhh...freedom!

Didn't everyone get the memo? Christmas is supposed to be a happy day, not a day to make someone cry. I wake up Christmas morning and, out of habit, reach for my phone to check my emails. One such email is a notification of a posting on my facebook wall...a not nice posting, a posting bashing one of my children, a posting that had no reason to be on my wall. So after reading the post I deleted it, because really it was not at all nice nor was it at all necessary to put out there for everyone to read...facebook has private message for things that should be private, although this particular post didn't need to be said at all. So if the person who wrote that post reads my blog, and I am pretty sure this person does, I just want to let them know that they ruined my Christmas day. No one is perfect, including my children, but don't be putting them down, that just makes you look petty. The comments made will continue to run through my head, I will try to forget, but it won't be easy. You hurt my child you hurt me. I hope you feel good about yourself, I hope what you said made you feel like you are right and my child is wrong, because apparently you need to feel that way. I am sorry you don't feel enough love in your life that you need to hurt someone to feel happy. Most of all I hope you have a Merry Christmas, because thanks to you I won't.

I am thankful my son is still alive.

He was hanging out at a friend's house when someone started banging on the door. Before anyone could get to the door to open it, it was kicked open and there were two men with assault rifles. They told everyone in the room to get on the floor, but the eight people there didn't really take them seriously...until they were told again and had the guns pointed at them. Brian was sitting on the floor and the robbers were grabbing cell phones and car keys...making it harder for the people to contact the police after the robbers left. It was obvious that the robbers didn't know what they were doing...their actions and words were confused...and when one guy said a dumb remark Brian laughed. Sometimes this kid doesn't think...so the robber punched him in the face and then pointed the gun at his face. Brian was calm...but it makes me sick to even think about it.

They took cell phones, car keys, wallets, computers and money and left. But they also left behind computers and money and other valuables. No one's car was taken, just everyone's keys. Brian lost his keys, phone and wallet...which contained his debit card, social security card, health insurance card and some cash. All of those things can be replaced. Brian can't.

I was okay when he called and told me what happened, and how they talked to the police for three hours. I was okay when he said he lost everything, including his apartment key, because all of it has his Iowa address so the robbers don't know where he lives in Lawrence. I was even okay when he told me he has a bump on his head from being punched. But after I hung up and was relaying the story to others someone said "lucky he is alive"...then I wasn't so okay. The reality hit me...my son had a gun pointed at him...

I thank God he didn't get hurt any worse and that no one else got hurt. The things that were stolen can all be replaced...lives can't. I have no problem with guns, but when you are using them to rob people I have a problem. I hope the robbers get caught and punished. I also hope Brian continues to deal with this the way he is now...one freaked out person in the family is enough.

I took the afternoon off today to help Dan take a load of junk to Spencer and get rid of Becky's old car too. We had everything loaded and took off...me driving the truck that was pulling the trailer full of junk and Dan driving the car that had no brakes. Everything was going well until I crossed Highway 10 and the truck suddenly died! I tried to restart it but it wouldn't, so I called Dan to come back and help me...all the while thanking God that I had made it all the way across the highway! He came back but it still wouldn't start, so thankfully we had jumper cables in the truck, and after a few tries, the truck started. Dan decided it would be better if he drove the truck since it seemed to be acting up, and I would drive the car. Okay...but the car had no, none, zip, nada, zilch for brakes! YIKES!

I was fine as long as I went slow and gave myself plenty of time to stop...we took the back roads so there wasn't much traffic. My biggest concern was the big hill on the way into Gillett Grove...I was slightly (totally) freaked out about going down that and not being able to slow myself down! But I made it and it really wasn't bad. Got as far as the intersection of Hwy 18 and M54 and had a stop sign...lucky for me there was no traffic coming so I kind of slowed down and cruised my way across :) Made it to the next stop sign on the edge of Spencer, but by this time I had a whole line of vehicles behind me! I slowed way down and with the help of the emergency brake I came to a full stop...about 50 feet from the stop sign! But there was no way I was going any closer or I was afraid I wouldn't be able to stop again...I let the cross traffic go and then I took off.

Finally, after what seemed like years, I made it to the place where we were selling the car...never have I been so happy to see a business! We got our money for the junk metal and the car and headed home. Of course, the truck had no trouble for Dan the rest of the way up to Spencer or all the way home...typical!

You may think I am going to post all about why I don't go to church and why I don't feel it is necessary to do so in order to be a good Christian. You are wrong...I have talked and talked on this subject and I am not doing it anymore. Go to church, great...just don't imply by my not going that I am wrong.

All I want for Christmas is my family around me...and I didn't think it was going to happen this year. Brian is 6 hours away and Becky is 8 hours away...and they both work so have schedules to deal with there. I had resigned myself to only having two of the kids home, but then Becky surprised me and said she is coming home too. Happy dance!

It is that time again, time for the annual Christmas letters everyone sends in their cards. To me the letter is more important than the card, because it tells the world what has been going on and how much your kids have grown and just how wonderful your life is compared to every other sorry sucker in the world...haha.

It is Christmas people, not xmas. X does not replace Christ in any sense of the word so please cease and desist from using it as such. Thank you.

This is what I am thankful for...minus a few that didn't get in the pictures, and minus a few that couldn't come...but this is what makes my life complete...my family :)

In 1621 the Pilgrims had a good harvest and were thankful that they had made it to the New World and were actually surviving and prospering. So, in order to celebrate all of their gifts and good luck the Pilgrims decided to have a harvest festival and a day of thanks. They celebrated with venison, fowl, fresh vegetables, and maybe some pumpkin desserts. Also, the day was made up of sports, conversing with friends, and simply resting after a long harvest. The Indians were invited to also share in the festival and many of them did. The original Thanksgiving was not as much of a religious day as it was a festival of thanksgiving.

I am thankful for my many blessings 365 days a year...God, family, friends, work, housing, love...I got it all :)

Shoes designed by the band nerd :)

I love where we live, I love the farm and being in the country and I love our big old farmhouse. But this time of year, when I am having my entire family come for a meal, I see all the flaws of my house and worry everyone else will see them as well.

I see the garage door that Becky ran into and we haven't completely fixed yet. I see the walk-in garage door that doesn't quite fit right and the wood around it where the cats have sharpened their claws. I see the veneer chipping off the main door into the house and the slightly broken door threshold. I see both bathrooms that we started to remodel and haven't had time to finish. I see the walls in the living room that are cracked and could use a fresh coat of paint. I see the hardwood floor in the sewing room that is scratched and needs a rug to cover it. I see the furniture that is getting worn out and the stove that is on it's last leg. I see the tile in the office that needs to be replaced and the wall and ceiling that need to be fixed because of the leaky roof and bathroom plumbing this summer.

But then I stop and think about our old house. This house that is almost 100 years old deserves to show some age. This is the house that has been in the family since it was built, the house where Dan's great-aunt and great-uncles lived, the house where his grandparents lived, the house where his parents came as newlyweds and the house where Dan and his sister and brother came as newborns. This is the house where we all gathered for holidays and "just because" days. This is the house where we gathered to mourn the loss of Dan's dad. This house has a lot of history, good and bad, happy and sad.

This house is where we moved our children, the first time they ever had to move. These four walls, with their chipped and cracked and peeling paint is where we have celebrated birthdays, graduations, and awards. These walls hold the pictures of our families and the posters of our interests. The furniture may be worn, but it is worn from people visiting and sleeping and enjoying their time. The floors are worn and scratched from years of kid's toys scraping across them and high heels on feet that were learning to walk in them. Things weren't always repaired immediately because the money was better spent on something the family needed, not just wanted for cosmetic reasons. Things weren't always repaired because the time was better spent with the family, watching the kids in their concerts and sporting events.

Our house may be old and starting to show it, but it is a house filled with so many memories, so much love and laughter that it doesn't matter that some things aren't exactly like they should be. Our house is just like us...not perfect. But it is perfect for each of us that live, and have lived, in it. This is more than just a house, it is our home.

I am sitting here writing this in a motel in Lawrence, Kansas. I brought all Brian's furniture and stuff down to him yesterday, got him all moved into his new apartment. Now I am getting ready to go home and I keep thinking about the room I can now transform into a sewing room.

I have been thinking about this sewing room for months, pretty much ever since Brian announced he would be moving to Lawrence and working there. I had so many plans what I could do with it, once his bed and table and posters were gone. I could paint the room, put up new curtains, maybe a nice rug...the ideas were endless!

Then yesterday Dan and I loaded up all Brian's things and the room was empty. I took down all his posters and decorations, swept up the thumbtacks from underneath where his bed sat and opened up the sewing machine, which he had been using as a computer table. Suddenly it was no longer Brian's room..it was just an empty room in the house. I thought I was ready for this...heaven knows Brian is ready to move on! But it hit me pretty hard...he is gone for good now. No longer do I have a bedroom for my oldest child and that is a little strange. Of course he is always, always welcome to move back home if he needs to, but I doubt he will. I can legitimately change his room into mine and he will be okay with that...as long as I leave room for an air mattress when he comes to visit! I know he is old enough to be on his own and be responsible for himself, but it is still hard to take this final step.

I will paint the room a bright, fun color. I will add new colorful curtains. I will move in my sewing tubs and fabric. I will put in a big table so I have room to work. I will start laying out Kayla's t-shirt quilt and start sewing it. I might even put some sewing themed decorations on the walls. But no matter what I change in the room, and no matter what I do in the room, it will, in my mind, always be Brian's room :)

I refused to believe it, I didn't want to hear anything about it, everyone was wrong. I didn't rush to the store, I didn't stock up on anything, I didn't change my plans, it wasn't going to happen. But then it did...SNOW! Lots of snow. Now I have no laundry detergent and Saturday is my laundry day. I cannot go to the bridal shower, although I do have a gift ready. Luckily Brian is moving south today so should be able to get going and drive out of this nonsense. I really hate snow, although it does look pretty...for awhile anyway, until it gets dirty. Everyone complains about snow, yet we continue to live in Iowa. I have an excuse to live here though...can't very well move our farmland to somewhere else so I have no choice but to live here. What is your excuse for not moving?

On the occasion of Brian's 22nd birthday (how did that happen so fast?) I will list 22 things he has accomplished in those years...in no particular order :)

1. Learned to sit up
2. Learned to crawl
3. Learned to walk
4. Learned to talk (and hasn't stopped since)
5. Learned to read
6. Learned to write
7. Learned to use the toilet :)
8. Learned to dress himself
9. Learned to do math
10. Learned to ride a bike
11. Learned to drive
12. Graduated high school
13. Learned to fix many computer problems
14. Learned to play the trombone
15. Learned to act and do speeches
16. Learned to cook
17. Got a job
18. Got accepted into college-twice
19. Learned to climb a tree
20. Learned to build things
21. Lived in apartment on his own, paying bills and cooking for himself
22. Made it to 22 years old without causing his mother a heart attack or having her kill him for doing something stupid :)

Happy birthday to my favorite son!

In a week Brian is moving to Kansas. He has no job yet, no apartment yet...but he is still planning on moving. I am ready for him to go, he is 22 and needs to be on his own. I will enjoy having a sewing room, food in the house, and less laundry to do. But...I am going to miss the big lug :)

I am not a political person, but I do believe every person should have the same basic rights under the law. Doesn't matter if they are black or white, man or woman, religious or atheist. Every single person deserves to be treated the same.

No, not the aliens...the 80's! Well, the 80's fashions anyway...as I sit here typing wearing my jeans tucked into my knee high boots and ruffles down the front of my shirt :p

Everything AND the kitchen sink. Dan got my new sink installed yesterday...after a trip to Menards to buy the sink and the necessary plumbing...then a trip to Ace Hardware to get the necessary plumbing to replace what broke when he started taking the plumbing apart...then another trip to Ace Hardware to replace the necessary plumbing that he bought wrong on the previous trip! I love my new sink! :)

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays...although I hate being scared. I have many memories of Halloween so I figured this would be a good time to share them :)

When I was little we used to go trick or treating in the country. Mom would drive us around to all the neighbor's house and they gave us candy. Nowdays no one does that, only people who live in town have little ghosts and goblins knocking on their doors.

I remember the vinyl costumes we wore and the plastic masks. The costumes were always worn over our heavy winter coats so we looked two sizes bigger than we were. The masks had eye holes and a small hole for the mouth...so you could breathe and just big enough to stick the tip of your tongue through.

There were two houses in town that I always was slightly apprehensive to go to. One was the Dukes house...Mama D would dress up as a witch and scare the daylights out of me! She did the same thing to my kids years later. The other house was the home of my first grade teacher, Mrs. Lehman. She would always demand we do a trick before we could get a treat...I had no tricks!

In junior high I went with a bunch of my friends to a haunted house. Just so happens this particular haunted house was in the barn of the house at Marathon were Dan and I moved after we got married. The barn was gone by the time we moved there, but I still remember how scared I was to go through it. Lucky for me I had friends who were just as scared so we basically ran through!

Back in the day we would also go trick or treating for Unicef. Basically we went door to door begging for money...but it was for a good cause...or at least that is what we were told!

One year, I think Brian was probably almost 3, we couldn't take him out because we had a huge ice storm. I think I was more disappointed than Brian was.

All three of my kids wore a pumpkin costume that I made for their first Halloween. I made it for Brian when he was almost a year old. Becky wore it when she was 6 months old and poor Kayla was only 2 months old when she wore it...so with each kid the costume swallowed them up more and more :)

I remember walking down the main street of Marathon one year with some friends. We weren't doing anything or causing any trouble, but we happened to be in front of the bank. The banker's daughter lived across the street above the post office and she sat at her window all night watching for people who might do something to the bank. Apparently we looked guilty because she yelled at us to stay away from there.

I must say, my favorite Halloween memory doesn't even involve me. One year Brian and Becky and some friends went to the haunted house in Schaller. Brian was trying to impress a girl so he wasn't afraid at all...or so he thought. They came to a room and a man dressed in a gorilla suit jumped out with a running chain saw (with no chain on it of course) and Brian screamed like a girl and yelled "ahhhh...girl pants!" Girl pants was the word of choice when you are scared and can't get the word gorilla out :)

Halloween may be the devil's holiday, but I don't think anyone really thinks of it like that anymore. It is just a day of fun and black cats and ghosts and goblins. Kids are too lazy these days to cause any trouble and little ones in costumes begging for candy are adorable. BOO!

My children continue to amaze me. If this is too much bragging for you then feel free to stop reading here, because it is going to get crazy.

Some things to think about...

Why is a semi called an 18 wheeler? Cars aren't called 4 wheelers.

Why do we say someone is out for a Sunday drive if they are driving slowly?

Why do people who farm half the country say they are blessed? Why not just admit they are greedy?

Why is what people do in the bedroom, and who they do it with, anyone's business but theirs?

Why is everyone so intolerant of other country's religions?

Why do people who live in areas that get a lot of snow in the winter complain about it? If you don't like it move somewhere else.

Why are there two names for fall/autumn? None of the other seasons have two names.

Why does bacon taste so good?

Who ever came up with the idea of hotels?

Who first looked at a cow udder and wondered what would happen if you pulled on it?

Why are dogs and cats the only 4 legged animals that are domesticated?

Why do bad things happen to good people?

Why can girls have long hair but it is considered "hippie" for boys to do it?

Why do girls wear make-up and high heels and dresses and men can get by with sweats?

Why is it if a woman has many partners she is a bad person but if a man does it he is a stud?

Why do people give their children hard to pronounce and hard to spell names?

Why does the woman take the man's name when they get married?

Why does a picture of a heart look nothing like a real heart?

Why is the heart the only body part that means something else? You don't give someone a picture of an ear for Valentine's Day.

Why do people go on TV on those stupid court shows?

Why doesn't purple match red?

Why did someone decide to put 24 hours in a day?

Why were credit cards invented?

Why do some areas of the country have breakfast, lunch and dinner and others have breakfast, dinner and supper?

Why do kids at school have lunch but at home they have dinner?

Why is pink a girl color and blue a boy color?

Why do people have cell phones with them 24/7? Twenty years ago no one had one and we all got along fine.

Why isn't white gold called silver?

Why do some girls think they can run around half naked and then get mad when people notice?

Why is steak more expensive than hamburger? It all comes from the same cow.

Why does pop taste different in a can compared to a bottle?

Why do some people call it pop and some call it soda?

Why is it called soccer here but football in Britain?

Why do women have to shave their legs and armpits but men don't?

Why do people think the government shouldn't control health care but they should control whether or not a woman can terminate her pregnancy?

Why are the rich people Republican and the poor people Democratic?

Why do women think they have to have big boobs, blonde hair and no excess weight to be attractive?

Why are there so many reality shows about losing weight? What is wrong with being overweight?

Why do people abuse their children?

Why are they called lady bugs instead of man bugs?

Why are you still reading this?

Our internet is ridiculous! In order to get high speed we have to have a satellite dish, because apparently we live in the middle of nowhere. But the satellite limits everyone who uses it to a "Fair Usage Policy" which means that you can only use up to 80% of your plan before they basically shut you off. So with Brian home and using Youtube a lot our usage goes up and then we have no internet at all in the evening. It is on a 30 day rolling basis, so we pretty much have to not use it at all for 15 days or more so we can get it back to normal. It really, really is a pain in the butt!

Today I wore my favorite black skirt to work. I went to the bathroom, did my business and zipped up my skirt...or should I say tried to zip my skirt. The zipper broke! Here I am, in the bathroom with a skirt that won't zip...what to do? Well, since I work with mostly men and the women were all gone for the day I knew no one would have a safety pin or a needle and thread. So I zipped it as far as it would go and held the rest of it together under my sweater. Made it to my desk, grabbed the stapler and headed back to the bathroom for some temporary repair :) Lucky for me I only had an hour of work left so it held for that long...and now I have an excuse to go shopping :)

Not a lot has been happening lately, but here is what has been.

I have had these brown shoes for years. They have a "hidden" heel in them and are incredibly comfortable. For years I searched and searched for a pair of brown shoes to go with both dresses and pants so I really can't give these up, I may never find another pair to replace them!

I made cinnamon rolls tonight and realized when I opened my cookbook that this was apparently a well used recipe...the page is discolored and stained. Cookbook page as art? Why not?

Becky has started a blog and I am proud to say I was the first to be an official follower. This blog is so Becky, but I hate to comment on everything she writes or she will get annoyed with me and stop writing, or worse, change the blog site and not tell me! Even though she lives hundreds of miles away she still makes me laugh :)

Sometimes life doesn't go the way you planned it. Sometimes you have to do things you never thought you would have to do. Sometimes you can do the same thing and get different results.

Several years ago I typed all my recipe cards into the computer, printed them on cardstock and then laminated them. Now they are all pretty with borders and decorations and easy to wipe off when I spill on them :p

At the time I did all that the printer automatically put two copies of each recipe on the cardstock, so I made them all up and laminated them all with the plan to someday give the extra recipes away. Today Becky asked me for the recipe cards.

Sometimes it doesn't take much to make a mom happy :)

The cool weather of fall and winter make me want to spend time in the kitchen baking...so that is just what I did today. I made chili in the crockpot for supper and then made carmel dumplings and brownie pudding cake for dessert. The special thing about these goodies are that all three are recipes from my family, the chili is several generations!

I have a basic set of recipes that I can always turn to when I want to make something. For meals I can always do chili, oven chow mein, begger's night casserole or even mashed potato/meatloaf in one dish. Dessert is easy too with carmel dumplings, cherry crisp or angel food cake to choose from. Even breakfast is covered with cinnamon rolls or donuts. The best part of all these yummy foods is that all the recipes are homemade, are from either mom or grandma and have been a staple of my life when I was growing up.

Now I am passing these family treasures onto my kids. Just the other day Becky wanted the chili recipe..already cooking for herself and Eli. Nothing says love like cooking and baking for your family and nothing tastes better than something made from scratch instead of a box. Takes more time, but so worth the effort.

Busy weekend ahead...which is always fun. Tonight I am going to the football game to watch the marching band and my favorite drum major leading them. Of course I will take lots of pictures, after all, this is her final year as drum major!

This is a blog I read often and this particular post was just too good not to share!

I am the wife of a "real" farmer. That means he not only has crops in the field, he has animals to take care of as well. His job is not just in the spring and the fall, his is year-round. Sometimes even day and night. I am also a part-time farmer. I know how to drive the tractors and how to bale straw. I know how to vaccinate pigs and how to chase them when they get out. I know how to sort pigs for market and how to disk and plow. We are not people who just happen to live in a house in the country...we are farmers and proud of it.

Pretty gray suede flowered flats. These are as close as it gets to going barefoot and so comfortable. Plus they go with everything!
I am guessing there are some people who are reading my posts and thinking "now everytime she puts shoes on here we have to look at that tattoo." Bahaha...get over it!

Dan and I spent the afternoon at the Clay County Fair yesterday. We saw lots of horses, pigs, cows, sheep. chickens, rabbits and ducks. We also saw lots of farm equipment, old tractors and weird people. My favorite part was the Tom Thumb donuts of course! Lots of the exhibits were people selling stuff that you wonder if anyone really ever buys. For example, one booth was selling "Number 2"..."spray the bowl before you go and no one will know". A spray for the toilet to use before you use the toilet so you don't leave a smell behind!! Like the smell of the spray wouldn't give you away...

Lots and lots of walking, lots and lots of people. Saw some we knew, some we were glad we didn't know! All in all it was a great day and we had fun.

This was in the livestock pavilion...not sure if it is a sheep or a goat but it was about 2 feet tall and adorable!

I thought this tractor was very cute, Dan thought that was an inappropriate word for it :)

Apparently this is the new way to carry literature :p

Today is the "big game day"...Iowa State vs Iowa. I really don't know why this is such a big game every year, guess history has just made it that way. Facebook is covered with people cheering on their teams, and I must admit I added myself to that list. I really don't care a lot who wins, but merely for bragging rights at work I would prefer that ISU wins. Legend says that if it rains the week before the game then ISU will win...and it has been raining this week! Really is a silly game of a bunch of boys running after a ball...but GO CYCLONES anyway :)

New fall theme to the blog...I love fall!

I like to be in control of things. I want my house to look a certain way. I want my children to behave a certain way. I want to finish my work by the end of the day before I go home. I have a hard time letting someone else be in charge.

This runs me into a problem when I can't control something. This particular something is the health of my child, and there is nothing more frustrating than not being able to control that. Watching your child suffer and you have no control over it or no way to fix it is the worst feeling. Knowing my child will read this and then feel badly because she is making me feel bad is also the worst feeling. Yet I have to express how I feel, I just have to vent because I am not in control and it bothers me. I want to fix her and make her into the person she was before. I want to turn back time and make everything all right. I want to put people in different places so different things will happen. I want, I want, I want...yet I can't do any of those things. So I have to learn to let go of the control and learn to control a new thing, a new person, a new reality. Not a bad thing to do, just a difficult thing to do.

There are no words to express the love I have for my family. There are no words to express the hurt I feel when one of them hurts. As my children grow and move on I lose control, and I am okay with that. I raised them to be independent. I just want my final child to be able to grow and move away confidently, to be happy and healthy. Is that so much to ask for? I will give up control if I can just give her the life she so much deserves.

The world's highest heels...why were they even made?

A few thoughts for the week.

Tattoos: So many people think I, and anyone else who has them, is nuts. Really, what is the big deal? No one is forcing anyone to look and no one is forcing anyone to get one themselves. My body, my choice. I feel very frustrated that I have to go through this everytime I get another tattoo. Well get ready world, I am not done yet!

Troubles: Everyone has troubles. No one has a perfect life. Currently I have a depressed daughter, a son who does not want to live at home but has no other choice at the moment, fields of corn and beans that were drowned out in the rain which means a loss in our income for the year, a plastic container sitting in the bathtub to catch the drips from the shower head and another container sitting on the floor of the office to catch the drips that leaked through the ceiling from the hole in the pipe in the shower, if it rains hard the wind is from the east I have leaks in walls between the garage and the house so I have mold that I am constantly "attacking" so it doesn't grow where the wall has been wet, the leaks also caused the paint to bubble up on the walls and the ceiling so I have to tear out the ceiling in the office and completely repaint the entire room, my upstairs toilet doesn't run properly, I haven't had a raise at work for two years, the headaches are back for Kayla, I have a rotten case of allergies. These are just the troubles I have that I can think of right off the top of my head. Everyone in the world has troubles. I have no problem with people talking about them and doing some complaining, you have to sometimes. But eventually you have to realize that everyone is in the same boat as you and you are certainly not alone. This should make you feel somewhat better and realize that in order to overcome you troubles you have to have a positive attitude. Smile...it has to get better!

Colleges: Becky is happy at BHSU, that makes me happy. Brian is happy to not be in college at the moment, that makes me happy. Kayla has decided on USD for her college next fall, that makes me happy. A lot of notice has been given to Drake lately, they have a new ad campaign that features "D+" for their main symbol. This is meant to confer that D for Drake is a + for education, but boy does that ad campaign fail! There was an article about it in the Des Moines Register and also comments on it on a blog that I read! Apparently you don't want to take up advertising at Drake :)

Television: Since today is a holiday I don't have to go to work, which means I get to watch daytime television. Sadly, this is not a good thing. Daytime television is so incredibly lame...Jerry Springer, Court TV, Maury Povich...how many shows can they have about who the daddy is? I think I will make it a day of baking and cleaning instead :p

So those are my musings for Monday...I really think I shouldn't be allowed to have weekdays off of work...

Tattoo number three...this one is for me. The first one was for Dan, the second for the kids...I have an obsession with angels so these angel wings are just for me :) It makes me happy...and I think I am done, but maybe not. Just think of what a colorful corpse I will be when I die!

I featured these shoes once before, but since I have had them for several years and I am wearing them for the first time today I figured it was worth showing them again!

Aren't they adorable? I know it isn't right to covet things, but...

Today is the beginning of the lasts. The last time I will have a child go on the first day of school at Laurens-Marathon. The last time I take a first day of school picture. Everything Kayla does at school will now be for the last time. Her last winter concert, her last try-out for All-State, her last prom...it goes on and on.

Today is a day of many celebrations in my family. It is the 26th wedding anniversary of my favorite brother and his lovely wife, the 30th birthday of my nephew-in-law and also would have been the 96th birthday of my Grandma Roberta.

I am in love with these shoes, but sadly they are not mine. I found them on a website while looking for pink shoes of all things! They have many good points such as they are pink (my favorite color), the heel isn't too high, the toe isn't pointy and they are shiny! But they also have some bad points such as they are pink and therefore really go with nothing I own (I would have to match the exact shade and that would be near impossible), they are not in my size and they are not in my price range. Oh well, at least they are pretty to look at!

Parents defend their children, just a fact of life. The question is, why do they have to? Shouldn't all parents be proud of their kids no matter what they are doing? Shouldn't we as parents realize this and not ask questions to make other parents feel as if they have to defend their children? Apparently not.

If you had to pick five things you couldn't live without what would they be? Of course, not counting your family, your house, basic wardrobe or your car...

Have you ever done something and then looked back and wondered what you were thinking? Everyone does, because no one is perfect. But...have you ever wanted a "do-over"? Not me!

Final college visit with Kayla was to Augustana in Sioux Falls. We got there about 5 minutes late, but since it was a private visit that was not a big problem. Started the visit by talking to the admissions counselor, she was very knowledgeable and "sold" the college well. She was also very energetic and excited to hear that it was Kayla's birthday! Even gave Kayla a free Augustana t-shirt as a birthday gift, so that was cool.
Next we got a tour of the campus, this tour guide actually knew a lot and a was happy to admit when she didn't know something! We saw all the buildings but didn't get to see much in the music area because the tour guide had never really spent much time in that building and didn't have any idea where the band room even was :) The campus is beautiful and easy to get around...the freshman dorm rooms are really good sized and with the beds lofted there is a lot of room! Only down side is no air conditioning in the freshman dorms, but even yesterday, at 90 degrees, the room wasn't very warm. This is the first campus I have seen where there is a parking lot right outside the door of the dorm...that would be handy!
So now Kayla has the tough choice of choosing between three colleges! She has already applied to USD and Drake and plans to apply to Augustana as well. Then, in the fall she will go to each school and sit in on a "normal" day in the life of a band student. After that she decides which one or ones she wants to audition at for admission into the music department. (College admission and music department admission are two different things). Then the tough choice of which one to finalize admission to. It is going to be a busy year!

Dutch (for my side)and Swedish (for Dan's side) versions of happy birthday.

Some stats for the birthday girl, who is 17 years old today!

Name: Kayla Jean
Named after her maternal grandmother

Weight when born: 9lbs 3.5 oz
Weight now: Not telling

Height when born: 20 inches
Height now: 66 inches

Current relatives:
One mother, one father
One brother, one sister
One grandfather, two grandmothers
Five aunts, five uncles, nine cousins, five second-cousins

Surgeries since birth: 3
Days in hospital for surgeries: 3

Musical instruments able to play: 6
Clarinet, bass clarinet, trombone, guitar, piano, saxophone

Houses lived in: 2

Schools attended: 1

Favorite color: Orange
Favorite thing to drink: Water
Favorite thing to do: Play her instruments or read
Favorite animal: Fuzzers (Cat)

Bands played in while in high school:
L-M Concert Band
L-M Jazz Band
L-M Marching Band
Iowa All-State Band
Cherokee Symphony
Pocahontas Community Band
Albert City Community Band
Storm Lake Community Band
Upper Midwest Music Camp Jazz Band
Upper Midwest Music Camp Concert Band

Best friends who have moved to other states: 2

Proms attended: 2

Class offices held: 1
Junior class president

Other things done and accomplished in life: Uncountable

Happy birthday to my beautiful, funny, crazy, shy, loud, soon to be high school senior, favorite 17 year old band nerd!

Twenty three years ago there was a street dance in Laurens. I put on my best denim mini skirt, a sleeveless sweater vest, scrunchy socks and un-tied high top tennis shoes (gotta love 80's fashions) and headed over to it. I hung out with my friends and then I saw him...the guy that I had been meeting on the road for the past month as I drove home from work almost every day. I didn't have any idea who he was, where he lived or what he did...all I knew was that he was cute.

My older sister was also at the dance, so I mentioned to her that I thought this guy was cute. She walked right up to him and told him just that! I wanted to crawl into a hole, I was so embarrassed! But he just pulled a comb out of his back pocket, combed his hair and said to send me over.

I went and talked to him and his friends, I was incredibly nervous and was sure he could tell. The girlfriend of his friend asked me what I was doing Monday night (this was a Saturday) and I said nothing so she told me that Dan would be at my house to pick me up for a date. Fine by me! I found out later that another one of his friends had moved all the stuff from the back of Dan's truck to the front that night...just in case he took me home I would have to sit in the middle next to him.

Monday night he picked me up, we went to Spencer for a movie and pizza. By September we were engaged, married in March and the rest is history...

Just to set the record straight...I still think he is cute :-)

Yesterday was a tragic day...my deep freeze died. This was one of the very first things that Dan and I bought as a married couple, and it was at least as old as me at the time (I was 22). That old monstrosity lasted and lasted. It was huge on the outside but with walls at least 6" thick the inside wasn't nearly as big. But it kept my food frozen and that was all I cared.

For the first 13 years we owned it, it sat in the front porch of our house. When it came time to move I debated moving the gigantic thing, but decided it was cheaper to move it than to buy a new one. So with a lot of strong backs and weak minds we got the freezer moved to the new house. The new place of residence was in the mud room. I would go into the office or down the hall to the bathroom and hear the humming of my old freezer...keeping my pork chops frozen and my ice cream cold. But yesterday I came home and smelled something funky in the house. Couldn't quite put my finger on what it was, but it wasn't pleasant. Then Becky came home and said she smelled something bad too...that was when Dan broke it to me that the freezer had apparently died and the frozen meat was no longer frozen. Yuck!

Lucky for us there wasn't too much stuff in there, but I really didn't want to open the lid and let the smell out more just so I could clean it out. So Dan came up with an ingenious idea! We used a pry bar to lift the corners of the freezer, put metal pipes under it and just rolled the freezer right out the door onto the tractor loader! Didn't have to clean it out, didn't have to try to lift it...easy as pie...which sadly was also in my dead freezer :(