I became a fan of ISU when I was in high school. At that time it was referred to as either ISU or University of Iowa and ISU was easier and faster to say, so I was a fan. Now I care who wins though :p

My mom was 11 days from her 27th birthday when I was born. I was 9 days from my 27th birthday when Kayla was born.

Kayla is the fourth generation girl to be born in August...my grandma, my mom, me and then Kayla. I tease her that she has to have a daughter in August some day.

Becky and Kayla are the exact same age difference that my younger sister and I are.

I am terrified of grasshoppers.

Because of this fear I refuse to mow the lawn...even though we use a tractor the grasshoppers are still visible when I mow and it freaks me out.

I was once bitten on the rear-end by a dog. However, my school lunch ticket was in my back pocket so the bite didn't hurt me.

I used to see Dan driving his pick-up to Laurens when I was on my way home from babysitting in Laurens. I thought he was cute. I also thought the lifeguard at the Marathon park was cute. So that summer I decided I would date one of them. The lifeguard turned me down and the rest is history :)

I put a lot of miles on my car because I enjoy taking evening rides with Dan.

I would love an indoor cat, but both Becky and I are allergic to fleas.

I seldom sleep past 5am. I lay in bed awake because I can't get back to sleep.

When I was younger my bedroom was always a disaster area. Now that I have a home of my own it drives me nuts if it is a mess.

At last count I had over 50 angels. There is at least one in every room of my house.

My angel collection started when Brian made a ceramic angel in third grade.

If Brian had been a girl his name would have been Sarah. I didn't like that name anymore when Becky and Kayla were born.

I did the "string and pencil" test when I was pregnant with Brian. It said I would have a boy and two girls. Freaky how it was right.

I love the show CSI and also CSI New York but I hate, hate, hate CSI Miami.

I read two blogs online of people I have never met and I will never meet, yet I read their updates daily.

When I was in elementary school I spent the night at a friend's house for her birthday. I, along with the other party goers, put sleeping bags over ourselves and tried to fool the birthday girl's mom that we were someone else under the bags. It didn't work :p

I wore the same prom dress my junior and senior years. Becky has had four dresses and Kayla has already had one, and she isn't even a junior yet.

Stupid people annoy me. Insensitive people annoy me. Smart-alec people annoy me. Snotty people annoy me. I am not easily annoyed.

When Dan had his brain surgery he didn't recognize me when I came into the hospital room after he was first awake. He claims he did.

I love thunderstorms and hailstorms as long as they don't cause any damage.

I would do anything for the people I love. Be it my family or my friends...love me and I will love you back. Treat me right and I will do the same for you. Crap on me and I will hold a grudge for a long, long time.

I have a very bad temper. Dan has a very bad temper. The two of us made Brian who has the worst temper of all...although I blame it on the Josephson men genes.

When I was a teenager I had a huge crush on Shaun Cassidy and Rick Springfield. I had a poster of each of them and I kissed it every night.

I worry every day about my kids...all four of them. I also worry about Dan every day, and my parents.

I wonder if anyone will read all the way through these and think I am nuts :)

date June 26, 2009

It is hard to let go of a child. You spend at least 18 years with this person, teaching them right from wrong, teaching them respect and honesty, teaching them to walk and talk...and then they suddenly stop talking to you...about the important stuff in their life anyway...and walk right out of your life. It is a hard transition to make.

Two years ago I watched Brian walk into his fraternity house as I walked back to my van...leaving him in Ames was the hardest thing I had ever done. I no longer had access to his life, not that I had a lot before, but at least I saw him every day and had some sense of what he was doing. When I arrived home that night I realized I no longer had any idea how Brian would be spending his days or with whom or even where he would be hanging out...and that hit me like a brick wall.  I had lost my son...or so I thought. After I got over the drama I realized that I was exactly where I was supposed to be in life...I had raised my son and now I had to let him be independent. Not easy, but I had to.

Now I am on my second child leaving me. This one, my first girl, is going to be harder than Brian was. Becky has always been more open about what her life involves than Brian ever was...but since Eli came along that has changed too. Now I have to question Becky if I want to know what is going on, she doesn't come to me and tell me what she has been doing and what she has been saying. Now that she has a boyfriend everything is a secret...which is understandable, they deserve their privacy. I know this and I respect this...but it is so hard to deal with. I worry about all my kids, but now I worry the most about Becky, simply because she is so secretive about her life with Eli. In just 2 short months it will be Becky that I am saying good-bye to at college and leaving behind...it is going to be even harder than leaving Brian.

In two years Kayla will be leaving for college and I will be an "empty-nester" as they say. I am looking forward to spending time with just Dan and me, but I am going to miss my kids. I guess it is supposed to make it easier to let them go when they act like they want nothing to do with us as they become teenagers and get their own lives...but it doesn't. I miss talking to Brian and I miss knowing what is going on with Becky. I know I am an over-protective mom and I know I expect too much of their lives to be public for me...but that is just who I am, I can't change anymore. I will keep asking questions and keep prying into their lives for as long as I am around...no matter how old they get. I love my kids and letting them go is the hardest job I will ever have to do.

date June 17, 2009

I have had several people ask why I took all reference to Eli off of my blog so I thought I should set the record straight. So many things run through my mind when I think of Eli it is hard for me to put it all down. First and foremost I think of him as Becky's boyfriend, the love of her life, possible future husband...the list goes on and on. But I also think of him as one of my own kids...just one more trouble-making teenager to keep track of :p He is also a grown man who is fighting for our freedom in a war zone...and he is also the true son of his own parents, who I barely know. I think the reason he has captured so much of my attention is simply because he paid attention...first of Becky's boyfriends who actually cared that she had parents! Also, this is the first boy that I truly think Becky loves...the others she may have thought she did, but it wasn't true love, this time it is different, I can see it.

There is a fine line between caring about Eli and going too far...especially when it comes to Becky. To her he is her boyfriend and really has nothing to do with me, so when I text him or email him it is hard for her to understand that I am doing those things to Eli, not to her boyfriend. The relationship that they have is totally separate from what I feel for Eli and Becky as separate people. I see them as a couple, but I also see them as two separate kids that I love. Once in awhile I step over the line and then all heck breaks loose! I have been known to talk to Eli about Becky and their relationship, which she absolutely hates, so therefore I no longer do that...what goes on between them is between them and no one else. But, I still have feelings, for lack of a better word, for Eli and I refuse to stop caring about him. I hope to someday call this child my son-in-law...early to be hoping for that, but he is a great kid and he and Becky are great together. It is rare to find an 18 year old who has the maturity that Eli has, and both he and Becky have big plans for their future...both alone and with each other.

I have a hard time letting people I love go...and it is no different with Eli. When Brian first went off to college I was devastated,  I missed him so much and called or emailed a lot that first month or two. It took me awhile to get used to the idea that he was grown-up and on his own and didn't need me anymore...well not need me as much anyway. Although I was only around Eli for six months I got pretty attached to this boy, and when he tells me he refers to me as "mom #2" it didn't help my attachment issues. I think it is hard for me to let him go without contact because I know he will be in danger when he gets to Iraq. But, for the sake of family unity and happiness I have stopped texting and emailing him...I will let him come to me. Therefore, I also took down some of the things on my blog that referred to Eli...just easier that way for everyone. 

I will support my children until the day I die, just as my parents support me no matter how old I get. I wear an ISU MOM t-shirt because I am proud Brian went to ISU. I will get a Kansas t-shirt and a USD t-shirt too, because I am proud to brag about my kids...lucky for me Becky and Kayla will go to the same college :). I wear a yellow "Support Our Troops" bracelet for Eli and I have a dog tag with his name on it that hangs on my keychain. No matter what, I will support my kids...be it the three I am a "real" mom to or the one, two or three that I may some day be a mom-in-law to. No one will change my mind on this, I just have to learn to not cross the imaginary line that makes others uncomfortable. I do not, nor will I, apologize for loving Eli as my own son...but I will keep it a little quieter for the sake of my daughter, who comes first.

date June 12, 2009

My boy has gone and left me :( Brian is gone to camp and has no access to his phone unless it is a Sunday afternoon when he has a day off. I am so used to being able to call him whenever I get the desire to, this is hard on me! I am really missing him...didn't think it would be this big of a deal. The worst part of no contact is that I don't know if Brian is enjoying his new job or wishing he had applied somewhere else. I got a text from him (at midnight!) a few nights ago asking me to send painkiller for his ankle, but that is the only contact I have had since he left. He will be home for a day next week before he goes to Kansas for orientation so I am looking forward to hearing all about camp then...but he hasn't had any kids yet so I will only hear about the training he has been doing...I am very anxious to hear how he likes having campers to take care of! My boy is gone for months and I am feeling lost without him...who figured this would happen?

date June 10, 2009
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