Have you ever really had a silent night? Last night about 5am we woke up and realized we had no electricity. It is amazing how quiet the night can be when the normal night sounds cease. No refrigerator running, no furnace running, no heater in Kayla's room running...just complete and total silence other than the tick tock of the battery operated clock. There was enough of a moon and lots of white snow to reflect it so that we could see outside and it was beautiful...pristine and white. Granted, by the time the electricity had been off for a few hours the silence was rather overwhelming and the cold was starting to set in, but for a few hours, while the house was still warm and all was quiet it was indeed a silent night...and it was beautiful.
December 24, 2009
of all the goodies we have made this Christmas. Sour cream cookies (twice), fruit chews, almond tassies, caramel tassies, seasoned crackers (twice), fruit loop bars, dipped pretzels, dutch almond bars. Gee, no wonder my pants seem a little tight this time of year :)
Many years ago, I was 6 years old I believe, my Sunday School teacher gave me this little plastic Nativity scene. It was given to me when we still lived in Ireton and it was always displayed in our house at Christmas. When I grew up and got married it came to my house and has been displayed every year in my house. It has been broken several times over the years, one side is missing and it currently needs to be glued back together now. But the funny thing is, this cheap little plastice Nativity is my favorite of all the Nativity scenes I have (six total) simply because it is so old and something from my childhood. A small connection to where I spent the first six years of my life? Maybe, but I couldn't tell you the name of the person who gave it to me. I think it is mostly my favorite because it tells the story and meaning of Christmas so simply and completely. Mary, Joseph, Baby Jesus...the story is there in cheap plastic that has lasted 37 years. Sometimes the simple things are the best.
I look at this picture and it amazes me...I have three grown children! When did that happen? As I sit here typing this the house is empty except for me and my honey. Brian is in Lawrence and Becky is in Vermillion and Kayla is in Laurens. When we first moved to this house it was the perfect place for us...big enough for three kids to run around, a big yard to play in and room to grow. Now when it is just the two of us at home it seems empty and too big. Wow, I never thought that would be the case, especially when all three were home and fighting with each other!
I know my kids are grown or almost grown but it doesn't really hit you until you see it in living color right in front of you. Time flies when you are having fun I guess and time did fly. I could say I wish they were little again or that I could go back in time and raise them again, but I don't wish those things. I loved raising them, and that job is not done. I do miss the babies they were, the first smiles and first steps, but just think of all the firsts I still have to look forward to! The high school and college graduations,the weddings, the grandchildren, the houses they will live in where I can visit, the holidays with their spouses and kids all gathered around. So many things and events I have enjoyed over the last 21 years and so many things and events I still have to look forward to. Yes, it surprises me that they all look so adult in the picture, after all, you don't notice that when you see them all the time, but it is so worth what we have been through and what we have yet to come. Life is good in the Josephson household :)
Gobble gobble up the food is what we did! Thanksgiving was a great day full of good food, good conversation and lots of laughter. Nothing is more fun than getting the whole family together for a day...it is amazing how much laughing and teasing and talking can go on. Anna and Amanda told jokes, Jeff teased everyone, and not a single person went home hungry. It was a good day.
He gets his ears from his dad...one is slightly bigger than the other. He gets his long eyelashes from his mom. He gets his big feet and hands from his Grandpa F. He gets his stubbornness from his Grandpa J. He gets his love of trying new cooking ideas from his Grandma F. He gets his love of books from his Grandma J.
This boy whose hair curls when it gets long, whose brown eyes makes the girl's hearts melt, whose sense of humor leans towards the macabre side, whose intelligence and desire to learn never stops. This boy who helped make kids who were severely burnt forget their troubles for a week of camp, this boy who has had more girlfriends than a mother cares to count, this boy who has dimples when he smiles. This boy who is, was, and always will be a "mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma". This boy is 21 years old today.
My little boy is all grown up but he will always be my little boy. He will always be the one who wanted to "pick our house up out of the dirt and move it". The little boy who was sure daddy could get him the moon because daddy could do anything. The little boy who wanted me to "turn off the switch" on the sun when it was shining in his eyes. The little boy who first drove a tractor by himself at 5 years old. The little boy who could write his name at 2 1/2 years old. The little boy who stole my heart with his big brown eyes and sweet grin.
The day he was born I thought I couldn't love him more than I did at that moment. I was wrong...
It amazes me what my kids have taught me.
I have been reminded that Becky did this look first...and for those of you who haven't seen the movie, this is the Joker from the last Batman movie (he was insane). I have some really strange kids :)
How would you like to be a little camper during the summer and have this be your counselor? Every week at camp the counselors dressed up according to the theme of the week...this was Brian one night and I am told it freaked out a few of the kids. Freaks me out!
The girls and I went to Des Moines yesterday to see the musical "Wicked". Becky had seen it in Chicago but it was new to Kayla and I. The story is about Glinda the good witch and Elphaba the wicked witch of the west...the witches from the Wizard of Oz. It tells their story before Oz...they met each other in school and in the beginning hated each other. They were roommates and Elphaba could do spells and has green skin (because her mother drank too much green elixer while pregnant with her) while Galinda (she later dropped the Ga from her name) was popular and pretty much in love with herself. They sing one of my favorite songs from the play when they meet "What is This Feeling? (Loathing)" but later become best friends. Glinda even tried to help Elphaba after she became the wicked witch, kidnapped Dorothy and everyone wanted to kill her. There are hints in the dialogue about the Wizard of Oz play so it really ties them both together. In the end you find out a surprise about the Wizard and Elphaba...and the Wizard...he had a huge talking face that was incredibly loud and lite up...it was awesome! The songs are fantastic and the actors were wonderful. I was completely impressed by the scene props too...granted I am used to seeing high school plays, but the props were amazing...the flying monkeys actually flew! One of the last songs Glinda and Elphaba sing together is "For Good" which is the song that Becky and Haley sang at swing show last year...another of my favorites and it was especially neat to hear it sung by professionals in the musical. We had a great time watching the musical and also had some interesting moments on the car ride there and back! It was a great musical and a terrific day for all of us.
Since it has been raining and/or snowing for a solid week now very little has been done in our fields for harvest. Therefore I have a cranky husband and I am getting that way myself. So...here are some good things that make me happy...things to think about and remember when I look out the window at all the precipitation :)
Please welcome to the field the Marching Chargers under the direction of Drum Major Kayla Josephson....sounded really great from the loudspeaker! Today was Algona Band Day and the L-M marching band was one of the contestants. Sadly though, to put it in Kayla's words, it was an "epic fail". Some of the kids didn't want to be there and it was pretty obvious...but the drum major was fantastic! :)
In my opinion if a kid is going to go out for an extra-curricular activity, such as band, then they need to give that activity the attention it deserves. If these kids don't want to be marching then why are they in band? Granted I am used to Kayla, who gives 150% in band so I can't compare the other kids to her, but still! Why ruin something for everyone just because you don't really want to be there? Kayla was pretty disappointed in how the band performed, as I am sure were some of the other members. I think if you are responsible enough to join then you need to be responsible enough to do your part to the best of your ability at all times.
Anyway...they performed 6 songs...all from the band Queen. There are only 27 kids in the band so they weren't terribly loud, but they did sound good anyway. The marching was a little sloppy, but they looked sharp in their uniforms! It was fun to watch Kayla leading them...she had to make up a salute and did a great job of it. She also conned Becky into coming home to "watch" and then got her to go on the field and set up her stand :) (Becky then conned Haley into helping her too!) We watched the other three bands competing against the Marching Chargers and I wasn't all that impressed with the first two...but the last band was really good. They played three of the same songs that L-M played...crazy coincidence! It was a little chilly in the stands, but fun to watch. Unfortunately they will not be competing next year so this was our last chance to see them. We had a good time and Kayla did a super job!
Things I have control over:
Myself
The cleanliness of my house
Whether or not my bed is made in the morning
What I watch on television
How I spend my free time
How I spend or save my money
The people I choose to spend time with
How I spend my life
Things I don't have control over:
Dan
Brian
Becky
Kayla
I have the right to tell them what I want them to do, but they have the right to do what they want, even if it is different than what I want. All four of them are adults (or darn near to it) and are perfectly capable of making their own decisions...and mistakes. The only control I have over these people is my ability to pray for them in whatever way and for whatever reason I want to. I have the control to pray that God will give me the strength to accept the decisions they make. I also have the control to love them, regardless of what they may or may not do. What more control do I need? None.
"It must be so quiet at your house now that you only have one kid at home, and really quiet when she is away!"
HA!!
Just this afternoon I had the washer and dryer going in the office, the dishwasher going in the kitchen, the television and vacuum in the living room and the air conditioner was cycling on and off.
Just because your kids leave doesn't mean the house will be quiet! Just a different kind of noise will fill it :)
Brian was down with the flu...not just any flu, the H1N1 flu. University of Kansas had 197 diagnosed cases as of Wednesday and Brian was one of them. Nothing was really done for him, he was just told to stay in his room and rest until he felt better. Once the fever broke he was no longer contagious so he was happy to feel better for the weekend. He had to miss classes and email all his professors for assignments so at least he had homework to do once he started feeling better.
Becky is still in the "finally free from my parents" stage of college life. She doesn't call home, she doesn't stay home for very long when she comes to visit, which Kayla hates. I remember Brian being the same way the first few months he was gone to college...now he calls home frequently and visits are longer and more talkative. Becky will get there, she just has to spread her wings a little first.
Last night was the first night for Kayla to be the "front man" for the marching band...a.k.a. the drum major. She has been practicing her salute for months and even figured out how to twirl a baton. I asked her how the band performance was and was told "amazing" so apparently everything went well. I am looking forward to going to Homecoming to watch her...and of course take a lot of pictures!
Kayla is 16.
Kayla can drive by herself.
Kayla is a junior in high school...the 11th grade.
Kayla is taking Basic Comp, Spanish III and Chemistry.
All of these are simple facts about Kayla. Yet I am unable to wrap my brain around them. How in the world did this happen? I can look at her and see she is grown, I can listen to her talk and hear that she is grown. Yet I find it impossible to believe that it is reality.
Now I am not saying this just because she is growing up. I honestly have a difficult time with these facts and realizing that they are indeed facts. Yes, she is the baby of the family, so that may be part of it. Yes, she is the only child living at home so I tend to "baby"her more. But in my head, while I know she is older and wiser and well on her way to leaving for college in a few years, I cannot make myself understand how this all happened so suddenly. I understood when she was 15 and in 10th grade and driving with a school permit. I understood when she had to be taken everywhere she wanted to go. I understood when she was taking English, Spanish II and Biology. Why can't I understand that she is now a year older and more advanced? Why do I struggle with this so much this year? Why suddenly now? Why?
Today is my mom's 70th birthday. Having two daughters of my own I think I have a pretty good understanding of the relationship between mothers and daughters. I am lucky enough to say that we are past the stage of her really being the authority figure in my life, she has now moved to the friend figure. Granted, if she tells me to do something I still do it, but now it is more out of respect than just the fact that she is mom. I find it hard to believe she is 70 as she sure as heck doesn't act her age...which is a good thing. The past years she has had some hard times, some good times and some questionable times...but through it all she has been my advisor, my chauffeur, my doctor, my cook, my bank, my #1 fan and my rock. I love my mom and hope to celebrate many more years with her. Happy birthday mom!
We got Becky all moved into the dorm at USD today...she had to be there a week early to start marching band. She had a lot of stuff to take and suprisingly it all fit! She seemed a little nervous about all of it, but I am sure once she makes some friends and gets involved she will have a great time. She went to the bookstore and got most of her books, there were two that weren't in yet so she will have to go back in about a week to buy them. The worst part of her day was parting with the money to buy the books! Dan and I took her for a little ride around the town so she could get an idea of where things were and she will have to walk around campus to find where all her classes will be. It wasn't too hard to leave her behind, she was ready to put all her stuff away and didn't need mom and dad in the way...so now we are a three person household...crazy!
Got Brian all moved into his dorm yesterday...took us 7.5 hours to get there but only 6.5 to get home. Apparently I travel faster without Brian! His dorm room is big compared to normal dorm rooms, he is on the 7th floor and has a nice view of the campus. The main building where he will be having most of his classes is quite aways away, so he will have to ride the campus bus or drive and take a chance of finding a parking spot. In the time it took him to walk into the dorm, get his room key and find his room he met 4 people...no worries about him making friends! He is excited to be there and anxious for classes to start so that made leaving him a little easier...although I don't like that he is so far away. Thanksgiving break can't come soon enough for me!
Hail can be a powerful thing. Dan and I went to Wall Lake to see what damage there was after the hail storm the other night and it was bad. Bean fields that you couldn't even tell were supposed to be growing beans. Corn fields with nothing but stalks left standing and open ears of corn barely hanging on. Even the weeds in the ditches were stripped and bent over. Almost every house in town with windows facing west had plywood over where the windows used to be. A metal quonset had so many dings in the west side it looked like someone had purposely taken a hammer to it and made a pattern.
Brian, almost 5 years old, was disappointed. His mom went to the hospital and brought home a baby sister. He already had one, why did he need another? A brother would have been preferred. Becky, 2 1/2, was pretty much oblivious to the whole situation. Mom and Dad, 26 and 32, didn't care if this baby wore blue or pink hand-me-downs, they were just happy it was a healthy baby. Sixteen years later everyone seems to have adjusted to the new addition.
Kayla Jean, born at 4:45 pm, approximately, the doctor forgot to look at the clock when she was born. Weighing in at a whopping 9 pounds 3 1/4 ounces and 20 inches long. Exactly one pound bigger than her brother and over a pound bigger than her sister. From the moment she was born Kayla was the quiet one, seldom cried. Little Kayla, who wouldn't talk to anyone but her mom until she was 3 years old...except to say "cracker please" every time her daddy was eating them.
Kayla at 16 is still the quiet, shy one. But she is also the wild, loud one when the situation calls for it. Kayla at 16 is the total band nerd playing 3 instruments and wanting to learn more. Kayla at 16 is still the baby of the family and always will be. Kayla at 16 is the image of her Grandpa Josephson...if you are going to do something do it perfectly or don't bother to do it at all. Kayla at 16 is timid and boisterous at the same time, shy and outgoing, self-conscious and egotistical. Kayla is a wonder of life...Kayla is Kayla.
The little girl who didn't walk until she was 16 months old now runs in cross country. The little girl who was too shy to talk to her preschool teacher now is involved in speech. The little girl who would eat almost anything could now live on chocolate. The little girl who had one best friend in elementary now has lots of friends to hang out with. The little girl is now an almost-grown girl.
Kayla was, and still is, a mommy's girl. A near constant shadow following me. But she has grown into a person who has skills and interests different than mine, she still follows me and still wants to be around me, but at 16 she is her own person. A wonderful, talented, gifted, skilled, beautiful person who leaves a lasting memory with everyone she comes in contact with. This quiet, shy little girl now has the courage to do more than she ever thought she would be capable of. Music is her life and someday she wants music to be her career.
There were times that I made mistakes while raising Kayla. There were times that I thought things couldn't get better than they were at that moment with her...but then they did. There were times I thought that things couldn't get worse with her...but then they did. At all these times my thoughts were the same...God gave me this child to raise and until the day He calls her home again she is mine to love and take care of and I will do the very best I can while I have the opportunity. That counts for all three of my kids...while I have them on loan from God I will take care of them best I can. Kayla may be nearly grown at 16, but as long as I am around she will always be my little girl. My quiet, shy, outgoing, loud, incredible little girl. Sweet 16...sweet memories and sweet times to come.
Yesterday we spent the afternoon at Jon and Kelly's house on the lake of Lost Island. We were there to celebrate the 70th birthday of Nola. The whole family was there...Linda, David, Jacob (Jonathan had to work), Marc, Les, Mindy (and boyfriend Rusty), Devin (and fiancee Jacqulyn) and of course all of my family...although Brian could only be there for a couple of hours since he had to get back to camp. We spent the day just being lazy and watching the waves on the lake..and eating lots and lots of food. The kids went tubing behind the boat and swimming in the lake. It was just a day of relaxing and celebrating the big birthday. Kayla decorated a cake...her new passion when she is not playing one of her instruments :) It was a nice way to spend a Saturday afternoon.
In the morning I got the chance to see a friend I have not seen since we graduated high school together...24 years ago! We met in the park at Albert City and spent a couple of hours catching up with each other's lives. She lives in Cedar Rapids now and has two kids ages 16 and 19...but they now live with their dad in Lebanon. It was so nice to talk to her somewhere other than Facebook :)
Brought Kayla home from band camp, or as we affectionately call it, nerd camp, on Friday night after a week of being a band nerd. She is proud to admit she is a band nerd and had a great time at camp for the week. She learned how to "circular breathe" which means she can breathe in while blowing out at the same time...pretty impressive! She also got to go to a music museum where they had a trumpet from a Beatles movie and a guitar that Johnny Cash played. Her days were filled with practicing and music classes, including jazz improv which she was not a big fan of. She took her trombone, clarinet and bass clarinet so had no shortage of instruments! Her roommate for the week was a very nice girl so it was good they could get along so well. Dan and I went on Friday afternoon to pick her up and see the final concert, which was very impressive...you have not heard music until you have heard "Love Potion #9" played by a string orchestra :) Next year's camp is already being planned and Kayla is already planning to go...band nerd for life!
Tuesday night into early Wednesday morning we had a thunderstorm and apparently it got quite windy as well. Blew the gas barrel over and into the oat field...the barrel was empty so we didn't lose any gas, but if it had been full maybe it wouldn't have blown over!
Not much new or exciting in my life, but thought I should update anyway. Had a nice weekend over the fourth...went to see the parade in Storm Lake and then spent the afternoon with Shari and Nick walking around looking at all the vendors and watching the cardboard boat races. Didn't see any fireworks this year...I told Dan we must be getting old because all the kids went off on their own to see fireworks, we didn't have to take them!
Independence Day. The Fourth of July. The one day a year everyone thinks about their freedom and hopefully thinks about the people who gave it to them. But why do we limit it to once a year?
http://corner.nationalreview.com/post/?q=YWExMGQyNmRkMWNkZmIzYWE2N2ZmMmRiOTkwODVkNWE= |
I became a fan of ISU when I was in high school. At that time it was referred to as either ISU or University of Iowa and ISU was easier and faster to say, so I was a fan. Now I care who wins though :p
My mom was 11 days from her 27th birthday when I was born. I was 9 days from my 27th birthday when Kayla was born.
Kayla is the fourth generation girl to be born in August...my grandma, my mom, me and then Kayla. I tease her that she has to have a daughter in August some day.
Becky and Kayla are the exact same age difference that my younger sister and I are.
I am terrified of grasshoppers.
Because of this fear I refuse to mow the lawn...even though we use a tractor the grasshoppers are still visible when I mow and it freaks me out.
I was once bitten on the rear-end by a dog. However, my school lunch ticket was in my back pocket so the bite didn't hurt me.
I used to see Dan driving his pick-up to Laurens when I was on my way home from babysitting in Laurens. I thought he was cute. I also thought the lifeguard at the Marathon park was cute. So that summer I decided I would date one of them. The lifeguard turned me down and the rest is history :)
I put a lot of miles on my car because I enjoy taking evening rides with Dan.
I would love an indoor cat, but both Becky and I are allergic to fleas.
I seldom sleep past 5am. I lay in bed awake because I can't get back to sleep.
When I was younger my bedroom was always a disaster area. Now that I have a home of my own it drives me nuts if it is a mess.
At last count I had over 50 angels. There is at least one in every room of my house.
My angel collection started when Brian made a ceramic angel in third grade.
If Brian had been a girl his name would have been Sarah. I didn't like that name anymore when Becky and Kayla were born.
I did the "string and pencil" test when I was pregnant with Brian. It said I would have a boy and two girls. Freaky how it was right.
I love the show CSI and also CSI New York but I hate, hate, hate CSI Miami.
I read two blogs online of people I have never met and I will never meet, yet I read their updates daily.
When I was in elementary school I spent the night at a friend's house for her birthday. I, along with the other party goers, put sleeping bags over ourselves and tried to fool the birthday girl's mom that we were someone else under the bags. It didn't work :p
I wore the same prom dress my junior and senior years. Becky has had four dresses and Kayla has already had one, and she isn't even a junior yet.
Stupid people annoy me. Insensitive people annoy me. Smart-alec people annoy me. Snotty people annoy me. I am not easily annoyed.
When Dan had his brain surgery he didn't recognize me when I came into the hospital room after he was first awake. He claims he did.
I love thunderstorms and hailstorms as long as they don't cause any damage.
I would do anything for the people I love. Be it my family or my friends...love me and I will love you back. Treat me right and I will do the same for you. Crap on me and I will hold a grudge for a long, long time.
I have a very bad temper. Dan has a very bad temper. The two of us made Brian who has the worst temper of all...although I blame it on the Josephson men genes.
When I was a teenager I had a huge crush on Shaun Cassidy and Rick Springfield. I had a poster of each of them and I kissed it every night.
I worry every day about my kids...all four of them. I also worry about Dan every day, and my parents.
I wonder if anyone will read all the way through these and think I am nuts :)
It is hard to let go of a child. You spend at least 18 years with this person, teaching them right from wrong, teaching them respect and honesty, teaching them to walk and talk...and then they suddenly stop talking to you...about the important stuff in their life anyway...and walk right out of your life. It is a hard transition to make.
I have had several people ask why I took all reference to Eli off of my blog so I thought I should set the record straight. So many things run through my mind when I think of Eli it is hard for me to put it all down. First and foremost I think of him as Becky's boyfriend, the love of her life, possible future husband...the list goes on and on. But I also think of him as one of my own kids...just one more trouble-making teenager to keep track of :p He is also a grown man who is fighting for our freedom in a war zone...and he is also the true son of his own parents, who I barely know. I think the reason he has captured so much of my attention is simply because he paid attention...first of Becky's boyfriends who actually cared that she had parents! Also, this is the first boy that I truly think Becky loves...the others she may have thought she did, but it wasn't true love, this time it is different, I can see it.
My boy has gone and left me :( Brian is gone to camp and has no access to his phone unless it is a Sunday afternoon when he has a day off. I am so used to being able to call him whenever I get the desire to, this is hard on me! I am really missing him...didn't think it would be this big of a deal. The worst part of no contact is that I don't know if Brian is enjoying his new job or wishing he had applied somewhere else. I got a text from him (at midnight!) a few nights ago asking me to send painkiller for his ankle, but that is the only contact I have had since he left. He will be home for a day next week before he goes to Kansas for orientation so I am looking forward to hearing all about camp then...but he hasn't had any kids yet so I will only hear about the training he has been doing...I am very anxious to hear how he likes having campers to take care of! My boy is gone for months and I am feeling lost without him...who figured this would happen?
Today is Memorial Day, a day to honor our country's veterans and those we love who have died. Dan, Kayla and I went to the cemeteries yesterday and left flowers on graves...little blue carnations for Dougie, pink roses for Grandma Uthe, red carnations for Grandpa Falkena. There are other graves near these three...family members that I never knew...a grandpa who died before I was born and a grandma who died before her son, my dad, was even married. We also visited the graves of Dan's family...his father, his grandparents, his great-aunts and great-uncles...even distant cousins who were gone long before Dan's parents were born. We left flowers there as well...a small token of our remembrance to them. Some of these graves have flags flying proudly beside them...veterans of past wars still being honored for their service.
Why do we only honor our loved ones who have died one day a year? Don't we remember them all year long? I do...I remember Grandpa Falkena always smoked a pipe and had lemon drops in his top dresser drawer. I remember Grandma Uthe always kissed me when I came to visit and always had LifeSavers in her purse. Funny the things you remember...
I think every day should be a day of honor and remembrance for those that serve or have served in the military. There is no job as hard as fighting a war, or training to fight in a war or knowing someday you may be called to do those jobs. I think we should remember the families who lost loved ones to war, the families who are supporting a loved one currently fighting and the families who are dealing with the soldiers who have come home in a different condition than they left in...be it physical or mental. No one likes war, but we should all remember the brave men and women who fight, or have fought, for our freedom and support them more than just one day a year. We should also remember the loved ones who have left us...after all, they are the ones who helped mold us into who we are today, without them, there would be no Falkena or Josephson family. We owe a debt of gratitude to our families, both living and angels in heaven.
How far can you lead someone into the lake before they drown? You know how to swim. You are with someone who knows how to swim. This person wants to go into the lake, in fact, their heart's desire is to spend their life in the lake...yet the farthest they have ever been is wading up to their knees, and the water was too cold. Now you lead them in and they get to their knees and are okay with it. So you take them a little farther and they seem a little anxious, but still okay, after all, they can swim, they have just never had to. The farther you go, the farther they follow and eventually they are over their head in the water...and they love it. But, they still have doubts on whether or not they can swim enough. So you shout encouragement to them, you give them life vests that you have used and are well worn, but still work. Then, just when you think everything will be okay they go under. They flail, they thrash around, they claim they are alright, but you don't believe them...so you try to help. But instead of helping, this time you just push their head farther under the water. So how far do you go to help them? When do you just swim back to shore and let them either learn to trust their swimming ability or drown? How much is too much and how little is too little? Is there a cutoff?
Tomorrow will be the first time in 14 years that there will only be one Josephson child enrolled in school at L-M. Today was the last day of Becky's high school career so now only Kayla is left. Brian was the "lonely only" for his first two years of school, but when he started 1st grade Becky started preschool...and she has had a sibling in school with her the entire time. One of the many woes of being the middle child I guess! Now only Kayla will be left to leave the lasting impression of the Josephsons on the school.
I was reading a friend's blog and she had a post on "Why We Blog" requesting others to tell why they blog...well I can't pass up a challenge so here goes!
Do you ever open your mouth and say something and then wish you hadn't? Lately that seems to be something I am doing a lot. Tell me some news and I will say something stupid in return. I vividly remember being told more than once when I was little to let my brain engage before I opened my mouth...I really need to start practicing that again :p Sometimes life hands you lemons and instead of me making some tasty lemonade I have been lobbing the lemons back at the head of the person who handed them to me...but now I am going to make that lemonade, add some ice and sit down with my family and friends and enjoy the times we will have. Think before you speak and life will be good...there is a reason silence is golden!
Life at the Josephson house has been a roller coaster of emotions and adventures this week...one wild ride!
Becky has one week until she graduates...one week! We are trying to work on getting the last minute things done for the party, but she just plain doesn't care...Eli left a few days ago and she won't admit it, but she is pretty sad. Then yesterday Eli and I texted a few times and apparently that was more than he talked to her, so that wasn't good either. He now calls me mom and she is not crazy about that...I love it, but it is a little weird for Becky. So much emotion between Eli leaving and the last days of high school and the graduation ceremony...crazy, crazy, crazy.
Yesterday I got a call from Brian, he was planning to come home last night but while in Ames his car suddenly quit and wouldn't restart...right on the main street of town naturally. He had his flashers on and a car with a friend of his stopped behind him, but the car behind that did not stop...so technically Brian was the cause of an accident. Luckily no one got hurt, but Brian's car had to be towed and by the time he got done in the emergency room with his friend the tow place was closed for the night. Not a good day for any of them!
I, of course, am nothing but calm during all these calamities...if only that were true. With graduation only a week away I am feeling the stress of getting everything together for a party of 150-200 people and the thought of Becky graduating makes me weepy too. I thought I would be fine with Eli leaving, other than being sad for Becky, but I have grown to love that kid and it is like I am sending one of my own to war...which makes me weepy too.
But among all this stress there is a bright spot...Becky has decided to go to college at the University of South Dakota instead of Loyola in Chicago. This means she will only be three hours away instead of eight...when she made that announcement she made me very happy. Not only is USD much closer to home, it is also much less expensive for tuition...which means less she will have to take in student loans. Brian is still moving farther away, to Kansas, but he will still only be five hours away so that is not bad either. Both of them will be happy where they are and that makes me happy.
So I am guessing until I am settled with Becky graduating and moving to college, Brian moving farther away and until Eli is home safely again it is going to continue to be a wild ride at my house...but together we will make it through!
I have been working at the same job for 20 years, with never a day off. Never a night off for that matter! My experience includes nursing, maid services, psychiatrist, chauffeur, mediator, photographer, healer of broken hearts, advisor, ATM machine and teacher. In other words, I am a mom.
Nothing changes you like becoming a mom. I remember when I told Dan we had a baby on the way, and I remember thinking it would be no big deal because I had done a lot of babysitting, I had years of experience already! At the ripe old age of 22 I became a mom and realized I knew nothing! Brian was quick to teach me however, and I learned what mattered and what didn't. The bottle isn't warmed up? No problem, he'll drink it cold. The pacifier fell on the floor? No problem, wipe it off and stick it back in. The blankets never stay on at night? No problem, put him in a blanket sleeper and turn up the heat a little. Little things turn into nothing when you have a baby, and the more babies you have the more relaxed you get. By the time Kayla came along she was lucky I didn't let her raise herself :-)
While you may learn that little things don't matter, you also learn that being a mom is the single hardest job you will ever do. You will spend hours feeding, changing diapers, potty-training, singing the ABC song, watching cartoons and Sesame Street, tying shoes and picking up toys...and that is just before they are old enough to go to school. When school starts you suddenly become the chauffeur, driving them to all the after-school activities, driving to all the concerts and shows. You begin to wonder if you live at home or at the school. Then, before you know it, they are graduating high school and moving out to college. Where did the time go?
Through the years you go from being the mommy who can heal the boo-boos with a kiss to the mom who makes cupcakes for the birthday celebrations at school to the mother who cheers at the ball games and school plays. Over all these years you also watch your child go from the little one who loves all their classmates to the middle schooler who loves their best friends and hates the opposite sex to the high schooler who hangs with the friends but has someone special to love...and it isn't you anymore. No more do you hear what happened at school, there are friends for that. No more do you hear about who your child likes this week, that is private and not for mom to know. If you are lucky you will get a tidbit here and there, or you can pry some information from a sibling, but by the time your kids are high school age they have taken secrecy to a new level...and you are out of the loop. But, this is exactly how we want to raise our kids..they have to able to be independent and not rely on their parents. We raise them that way, but that doesn't make it any easier when it happens.
I was blessed to have three beautiful, talented, intelligent children. I am almost done raising all of them, but I will never completely be done with their lives. Someday I hope to have three more children to love...a daughter-in-law and two sons-in-law...but that is a few years down the road. I even hope to someday expand to a whole other generation...grandkids. I think I will make a super grandma...spoil them rotten and send them home! But, even if I end up with only my three kids I will be happy...I have the best job in the world and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Contrary to the way this blog looks lately I do have children other than Becky! Just because of all that has been going on with her lately she has been the focus...and keeping me busy. But...Brian and Kayla have being doing things too...and of course that keeps me hopping as well.
In three days Becky will have her heart broken. In a month she will have it broken again. In three days Eli leaves for a month of training and instructions. In a month he leaves for Iraq. So Becky has to say good-bye to him twice. It is going to be tough.
Becky and Eli have dated for six months. This is their second time around, they dated a few years ago too. Eli has become a fixture at my house. If he isn't there when I come home from work he will be there before the evening is over. Eli is 18 years old...age-wise he is a man, mentally he is a man...but to me he is just a kid. A kid who is going to war.
I have known a few people who went to Iraq. I know their names and their faces, but they are not a part of my life. This time it is different. This time it is someone I have grown to think of as part of my family, someone who is the most important person in my daughter's life. This time Becky is going to suffer.
Spring is graduation time, Becky is getting ready to leave high school behind and move onto college and start her independent life. But I know Eli is never far from her thoughts. She is excited to graduate, but she is also hoping that Eli will be able to get leave and come watch her walk across the stage. She is excited to move to Chicago and start college, but she is also hoping Eli will get to come home for a week in the summer to visit her. It is hard to move on with your life when the person you want to be with is in danger in a war zone.
I have had many people ask me if I think Becky and Eli will stay together through this next 14 months. I don't have an answer for that. My best response is that they are going to try...what more can they do? Becky can't go to Iraq to be with Eli and Eli can't go to Chicago to be with Becky. No more will they spend the evening on my couch, always some part of them touching the other...legs side by side, holding hands, her head on his shoulder. Now the best they will get is the sound of their voices over the phone.
Both of these kids have a lifetime of adventures ahead of them, be it together or thousands of miles apart. I can't see into the future to tell the outcome, but I know what I would want to see if I could. I know what they want to see in the future. But most importantly, we all want to see Eli come home.
Fourteen years ago I went to Laurens to register Becky for preschool, and met up with two other moms from Marathon who also had daughters going. We talked and decided it would be a great idea to carpool with the girls, that would be handy for us busy moms and save gas money. That was the beginning of haleyashleybecky...the three little girls who grew up through school together as best friends and are now graduating together as best friends.
Gorgeous prom couple...
I have been doing some thinking lately and have some questions...please feel free to post answers!
Little things. Life is made up of little things and sometimes life is just too short to let those little things matter.
You live your life in a way that you hope will set a good example for your children. You live your life in a way that is comfortable for you and those around you. You live your life in a way that makes you happy. But once in awhile, your life doesn't go the way you planned it and that is when "angels" step in to help. I truly 100% believe in angels. Not just because I have a collection of over 100 figurines of them throughout my house, but because I have seen, and felt, more than once, their presence in my life and the lives of those I love. To me angels can come in "ghostly" form where you just feel them around you or they can come in human form. When we lived at the house in Marathon I had the drudgery of doing dishes every night and while it may sound strange, I often felt the presence of my grandmother...as if she were watching me from the kitchen door. I have not felt that since we moved to Albert City, but I know she is still watching over me. I have had human angels help me lately when I needed it, they stepped in and gave me support in many ways. Even my kids have angels watching and helping them...Brian and Becky had a successful trip to and from Kansas, angels watched them while they drove and made sure they were safe. Last night Becky's boyfriend, who will be 8 hours away at an Army base when she graduates, told her he is going to try to get leave so he can come home and be here for her ceremony and reception. He is being her angel, even if he doesn't know it and I pray that angels will keep him safe while he is away for 20 months, and help Becky get through that 20 long months too.
Eighteen years ago a little girl entered this world, screaming and yelling and making sure everyone knew she was there. To this day, she loves being the center of attention.
You know the saying "God never gives you more than you can handle"? Well, I am beginning to doubt that. This last week has been a roller coaster of emotion and things that are causing me stress. I know I always tell people that no matter how bad your life seems there is always someone worse off than you...and I know that is still true for me, after all, I have a roof over my head, a car to drive and a family who loves me. But sometimes, it is tough to see the light at the end of the tunnel and not think it is a train headed straight for you.
By popular demand, (okay it was one person, but a girl can dream can't she?) I have been asked to blog about the t-shirt quilt I made for Becky. This quilt, the result of four years of high school t-shirts, was the easiest quilt I have ever made, and also the hardest. The pattern was simple, but the memories all these shirts brought back made it tough to work on. My kids are not the kind of kids who just go to school and don't get involved...if there is something to do chances are one, if not more, of my kids are involved. That means t-shirts for almost every single one of those events...hence the huge quilt with 30 shirts, and some extras we didn't use!
I am having a difficult time with Becky graduating and moving so far away and spending so much time with all her t-shirts just reminded me how much I am going to miss her. I struggled when Brian left and two years later I still miss him like crazy. It will be hard to let Becky go, but for me part of letting go means making a quilt they can take with them to remind them that mom loves them. What better way to feel the love of your mom when you are far away than with a quilt that she made? Brian's wasn't a t-shirt quilt, his was made from fabric with guitars on it, but the thought was the same...."stay warm, stay safe and remember I love you".
My mom taught me a lot of things when I was growing up, but I have to say the one that means the most to me right now is that she taught me to sew. When my kids were little I made most of their clothes, just like my mom did for me. As they grew, and outgrew having mom make their clothes, I found a new way to give a little of myself to them...quilts. Nothing feels better than watching your child climb into bed under a pile of quilts that you made for them. Living in an old drafty farmhouse it is often cold, and knowing that I am helping them stay warm means a lot to me. My heart melted the day Brian came home from college, with his graduation quilt tucked in beside his dirty laundry. He told me he slept better with the quilt because it was the warmest blanket he had. Nothing prepares you for the time your son, that little boy who is now a man, thanks you in his own way..and doesn't even know he did it. Quilting is my therapy...bad day at work...work on the quilt, nothing on television worth watching...work on the quilt, feeling sad that your kids are growing up too fast and moving away...work on the quilt to send with them. Many years ago my mom had an old, old quilt that she had made when I was a little girl. She was going to throw it away because it had gotten torn and tattered. I took it because it represented so much to me...I remembered a lot of the fabric in the squares from clothes I wore as a child, and just the fact that my mom had made it made it special to me. I hope someday my children will look at the quilts I have made for them and feel the same way.
I can look at every single shirt on Becky's quilt and remember every single event it represents. I know Becky can too...and now she can look at them and remember every single time I told her I loved her and wrap herself in my love even when she is far, far from home. As the magnet on my refrigerator says "Blessed are the children of the piece makers, for they shall inherit the quilts".
Chicago was awesome! We got there about noon on Friday and found our way to the hotel with no problems. The college is about 9 miles from where we were staying so we left early since we didn't know how long the traffic would take us to get there...ended up being about an hour! We took interstate most of the way but then ended up in the main streets of Chicago on the way to Loyola and drove through some really interesting neighborhoods. One block was all Jewish businesses, the next was Greek, then some Indian, some Pakistan and a little bit of Chinese. Got to the college, parked in the parking garage and made our way to the new library building. Gorgeous! Built right on the lake with two sides made of glass, the view is awesome. Becky had her interview for the big scholarship and then we had the reception with the president of the college. Tall round tables set up all around the room, several tables of food and lots and lots of people! The girls and I hit the dessert table first, Dan tried most every table and discovered he does not like sushi! Being a catholic college and a Friday night there was of course no meat served, the food was interesting to say the least! After listening to a couple of speeches Becky decided she had enough and we went back to the hotel...stopped to eat at Denny's on the way.